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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24675817">Unlearning Lonely After So Long</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneJuliann/pseuds/InsaneJuliann'>InsaneJuliann</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Evolution of Buddie [10]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Eddie has to do a lot of Talking, He's not happy about it but he's gonna do it, M/M, some of my Diaz family OCs make appearances</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:28:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,476</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24675817</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneJuliann/pseuds/InsaneJuliann</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the next morning, Buck's still there and making breakfast, and Eddie's realizing that while yeah, the list of things he needs to talk about - with Buck and others - definitely doesn't fill him with anything close to happiness, the rest of it?</p><p>It's a kind of happiness he hasn't felt in a while.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Evolution of Buddie [10]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1730287</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>83</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>671</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Unlearning Lonely After So Long</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ta-fucking-da.</p><p>The past two weeks have been a Hot Mess at work with them changing plans on us not just multiple times but sometimes more than once in a day. In fact, we had to reschedule our reopening more than once, and just did so today, despite the rise in cases in our area. Whoo. Thankfully, all but one patron were all super friendly, happy to see us, and understanding about the precautions and new set up. I'm betting we're not going to get that first big rush of patrons until next week, probably, but we'll see. I absolutely did see some of those tumblr posts, as you may have realized. They make me grin and giggle maniacally with impish glee. And as you may have also realized, usually makes me want to be a tease and throw out small snippets with no context and just watch the responses. :)</p><p>So here it FINALLY is. The 10th installment in the Evolution series. As I was writing it, I was trying to figure out how it fit into the series overall, if the overarching arc of the series was actually finished or close to it, where precisely and how far did I want to take it.... I made what I call a "more like guidelines anyway" outline that I absolutely probably will barely pay attention to, but it's there and gives me an better idea of the goals I want to reach.</p><p>So with that, here's the "end" of the first arc of the series. In my mind, it's something of a transitional fic, moving us on from where we are to the next act. </p><p>Blah, blah, I hate thinking up titles, couldn't find a song that quite fit (though Dust to Dust by The Civil Wars came close and did somewhat help inspire me) so I made it up from scratch in a fit of defeat.</p><p>As always, enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eddie woke up as soon as Buck moved to get out of bed.</p><p>He didn’t do more than slit his eyes open, watching as Buck grabbed his jeans from the floor and tugged them on, clearly thinking Eddie was still asleep. Buck headed for the door – probably to get breakfast started. Eddie smiled a bit, letting his eyes slip shut again.</p><p>He dozed, for a bit, before he roused himself out of bed as well. He got dressed, went to brush his teeth in the bathroom and caught himself running his fingers through his hair, fussing at it. Right. It was fine.</p><p>Nothing to be nervous about.</p><p>Eddie snorted softly, rolling his eyes. He hit the light switch a little harder than he needed to and marched himself out into the hall towards the kitchen.</p><p>Buck was at the stove, making scrambled eggs. He glanced over as Eddie came closer and smiled. It was bright and wide, like most of Buck’s smiles were – but Buck also ducked his chin a bit, like he was feeling a little shy. Or maybe he felt the same weird thrum of anxiety and excitement that Eddie was.</p><p>“I was thinking – eggs and toast?” Buck said. Almost before Eddie could do more than nod and open his mouth, Buck was quickly continuing. “I don’t know when Chris is going to be back, or if you’re picking him up or –“</p><p>“Marisol’s bringing him by around one,” Eddie interjected.</p><p>“One. Okay.” Buck focused on the eggs. “Does he… does he know?” He glanced at Eddie from the corner of his eyes.</p><p>Eddie let out a breath, running his hand over his hair and glancing around his kitchen quickly. That was a – fair question. “Uh – maybe? I didn’t exactly say why I wanted the night alone with you or anything.”</p><p>“Are we gonna wait to tell him?” Buck asked, after a moment.</p><p>Eddie looked at him again, searching. Buck seemed – very calm, not upset or anything, but Eddie couldn’t help the defensive feeling. He tried to push it aside, ignore it.</p><p>“I don’t know,” he said quietly. “Is that a problem?”</p><p>Buck blinked, eyes going a bit wide. “A prob-? No! I mean, I guess in that we should probably, like, talk about that and get on the same page but – Eddie.” He turned off the stove and turned to face Eddie fully. His hand reached out, almost tentative, and he curled his fingers loosely around Eddie’s wrist. “Chris is your <em>kid</em>. I’ll go with whatever you think is the best move.”</p><p>He sighed, looking down at Buck’s hand around his wrist. He twisted it, until he could grab Buck’s hand. Eddie swore, when he glanced back up at Buck, that he looked relieved.</p><p>“Okay.” He took a breath and let it out. “Abuela and Marisol know, obviously,” he explained. “Which means Pepa and Vic also know, at least.”</p><p>“Does that… is that okay?”</p><p>Eddie grimaced a bit, tilting his head. “Marisol’s going to mock me relentlessly and Pepa and Abuela will be incredibly nosy. But, uh. Yeah. I – you’re not a <em>secret</em>,” he said, shaking his head. “Just… I haven’t told Chris yet.” He took a deep breath. “I thought, maybe, we might tell him together.”</p><p>Buck was just staring, eyes wide. “Really?” he finally said, quiet.</p><p>Eddie frowned. “Yeah?” He wasn’t sure why Buck was looking at him like that. “It’s not like you’re someone <em>new</em>, and you’ve been family for a while, Buck. This is just – a new possibility of how.” He shrugged, and his ears felt hot, but Buck was looking at him like he was….</p><p>Buck stepped forward, into Eddie’s space, using his free hand to curl around Eddie’s jaw and tip him closer, for a soft and lingering kiss.</p><p>“What’s that for?” Eddie whispered when Buck pulled back.</p><p>Smiling, small and fond, Buck said, “For being you.” He stepped back, giving Eddie’s hand a last squeeze before tugging his own free and going back to the eggs. “So your family knows, basically. We’re gonna tell Chris together – today?” Buck cast him a glance, and when Eddie nodded, he nodded back, a little pinch between his brows as he looked back down. He took a deep breath. “The team? And uh, Maddie?”</p><p>“If you told Maddie, would she just tell Chim?” Eddie asked, raising a brow and smiling a bit., even though he felt a buzz of nervousness.</p><p>Buck made a face and lifted a hand to tilt it back and forth. “I can, probably, get her to keep it a secret, at least for a while. She won’t like it necessarily, but….” Buck shrugged. “We know how to keep each other’s secrets when seriously asked to.”</p><p>Eddie’s family knew, and the only blood family Buck had was his sister. (Though Eddie was wondering if he’d still have to face some form of familial trial, with the way it was a not-quite-joke that Bobby was basically Buck’s dad.) So while Eddie really didn’t think he was ready for the team to know….</p><p>“If you can be sure she won’t tell anyone, I’m okay with Maddie knowing.”</p><p>Buck nodded immediately. “We’re hanging out Sunday morning – I’ll probably tell her then.”</p><p>“Okay.” Eddie blew out a breath. “I – uh, can we maybe….”</p><p>He watched Buck’s hands, finding it hard to look at him directly. Instead, he watched as Buck’s hands stilled, stopped, and set aside the plates he was preparing.</p><p>“Eddie, we don’t have to tell anyone if you’re not comfortable-“</p><p>“It’s new to me,” Eddie interrupted quickly. He still couldn’t quite look at Buck fully. “The whole – I thought I was straight,” he said, feeling helpless and suddenly, painfully overwhelmed thinking about it all, about the <em>reality</em> right in front of him. “If you’d asked me at Christmas, I would have sworn up and down, I was straight.”</p><p>“Eddie-“</p><p>“But everyone kept saying shit and it got me thinking and – and I talked to Karen and she was more patient than I fucking deserved, probably, and then my whole <em>family</em> seemed to think we were dating, too, and I didn’t want to say we weren’t and make Manny believe I was like <em>him,</em>” he spat. “And you – you’re always <em>here</em>, and –“</p><p>“Eddie,” Buck interrupted, firmly. He grabbed at Eddie’s arms, rubbing up and down briefly. “Jesus, Eddie, slow down. C’mon.” He hustled Eddie over to the table, and they sat down next to each other. Buck even scooted his chair closer, one hand slipping down Eddie’s arm to grab at Eddie’s hand.</p><p>Eddie clung to it.</p><p>“You do not need to explain yourself to me, to – to <em>justify</em> why you’re not ready to let everyone know.” Buck was giving Eddie an almost stern look. “You think I’ve been completely unaware that something’s been going on with you for months now?” He paused a moment, and almost smirked a bit. “You think I didn’t notice you suddenly <em>looking</em>?”</p><p>Eddie was almost definitely blushing. He glared at Buck, who just smirked a little wider.</p><p>“I figured maybe you were… working through some stuff. I wasn’t sure if it was, you know, the whole guy thing or… or if it had something to do with Shannon.”</p><p>Ah. He swallowed. Eddie had flirted a bit, considered going on a date with Chris’ teacher… but it had never seemed to work out, and he’d forgotten about it after a couple weeks. There’d been other things to think about, to focus on.</p><p>There’d been his confusing crisis of sexuality and Buck and the train and – so much.</p><p>“It’s weird,” he said after a moment. “Dating, again. Dating with a kid. I’ve not – I haven’t done it. I didn’t even really hook up, when Shannon was gone. Thought about it, almost did once or twice before moving here. But… we were still married. Even if she was gone, that… that meant something to me.” He looked up again, finding Buck watching him with that little frown and gentle focus he got when he was really listening.</p><p>“Then she was back, and things were <em>really</em> confusing. Because I remembered loving her, but I just couldn’t bring myself to trust her, not really, not <em>fully</em>. And I was so angry with her, too, now that she was back and wanting things to be just like before she left – and Chris was so happy to see her.” He was quiet for a minute, gathering his thoughts. He’d only talked about this before with Frank, in fits and starts and trying to avoid the actual word until finally he’d snapped it out. Jealous.</p><p>He’d felt almost jealous of Shannon, that Chris was so happy to have her back, when she’d left and hurt him, hurt them both. After she’d never let him live down being overseas – but she went and ran too, and somehow that was supposed to be different.</p><p>Chris had forgiven Eddie just as easily as he had Shannon.</p><p>So Eddie shouldn’t have been, but there’d been something like jealousy and resentment when she’d been back. Still, he had been <em>trying</em>.</p><p>Then –</p><p>“Before she died, she said she wanted a divorce.” He sighed. “So sometimes I kind of wonder what I really am – widowed or divorced. Just because she died before she could do it, does that make it not count?”</p><p>“We don’t need to-“</p><p>Eddie glared, focusing on Buck. “No. Listen. It’s weird, because I’ve never been with someone since I married Shannon, and – this is nothing like dating her or girls in high school was, Buck.” He shook his head. “It – it kept throwing me off, kind of does still. Everything’s just been… so different, and I couldn’t figure out if that meant I actually felt for you like this or not.”</p><p>Buck nodded a little, little frown back, but deeper. Eddie swallowed.</p><p>“Then I realized I really wanted to fucking kiss you. And later I realized I – I trust you. I can be…” He struggled, not sure how to phrase it, but, “I can be what I’m feeling around you, and I don’t worry that you’re going to use it against me at some point.”</p><p>He watched the way Buck’s expression cleared and his eyes widened a bit. The way Buck’s eyes got a bit glossy before he looked down.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>He snorted, unable to help grinning. “Yeah. So I know what I feel, even if sometimes I also kind of feel like I’m lying to everyone, myself included, about it. I just – it’s a lot.”</p><p>Buck smiled, squeezing Eddie’s hand and rubbing his thumb back and forth. “I get it. It’s alright – I told you, I don’t want to make you feel like you need to rush into something with me, or anything you’re not comfortable with. I really don’t want to do that, so if you’re not ready to let everyone know, we don’t tell everyone yet.”</p><p>As if it was as easy as that.</p><p>Eddie sighed, feeling some tension leak from his shoulders. Maybe, with Buck, it really was as easy as that.</p><p>“So, I think – I think it’s best that you set the pace with things,” Buck said, sounding a little nervous but determined. “Like, going on a date in public, or um, telling more people, or anything… physical. Stuff like that.”</p><p>He could almost feel the way his face felt drained of color and at the same time burning hot. “Um.”</p><p>“I don’t mind waiting,” Buck said, seeming worried. “Or if you don’t want to do something, we can talk-“</p><p>“Buck,” Eddie said, voice both heavy and breathless feeling. “I don’t even <em>know</em> what I’m doing. At all. I have no idea how you think I’m gonna know how to move things forward when I never – I’ve never done any of this. With a guy.”</p><p>Buck nodded slowly, eyes distant. He licked his lips and blinked a few times, quickly. “Well. A lot of it isn’t that different than with a girl. Dating and all. And like – the mechanics of sex are different, sure, but….” He blew out a breath. “I just don’t want to do something you’re not ready for.”</p><p>They were quiet for a bit, Buck playing in what seemed an absent manner with Eddie’s fingers. Eddie could understand Buck’s concern, to a degree, but he didn’t get why Buck thought that meant Eddie had to be in the lead on things here. If Buck did something Eddie didn’t like or want, Eddie could just tell him. And it wasn’t like Buck had done anything more than some kissing yet.</p><p>“Okay. You’re worried because you don’t feel like you know what to do. And I am worried about pushing too far too fast.” He grinned. “So, if you want to do more, at any point, just tell me and we can figure out something to try together.”</p><p>Eddie felt his nose scrunch. “Talking. Yipee.”</p><p>Buck laughed, bounding up from his seat and going to the plates. He finished making them quickly and brought them over to the table, sitting down once more.</p><p>“You have any other ideas?” Buck raised a brow, and grinned when Eddie just scowled at him. “It’ll be fine,” he reassured. “You’ll see. It’s us, after all – we’re both too stubborn to let something like this stop us.”</p><p>Eddie finally relented and smiled a bit, huffing a laugh. “Yeah, alright.” He swallowed. “Just… you need to tell me, too. If something’s not working or you’re unhappy.”</p><p>He meant it, too. He hadn’t realized just how much the mere idea of it was plaguing him until he said it and felt his heart in his throat, like Buck’s answer was going to potentially break him.</p><p>Buck got an odd kind of smile on his face, one Eddie couldn’t quite parse which was – a little concerning. But Buck agreed quietly, so after a moment Eddie nodded and looked at his food, deciding not to push.</p><p>There was probably more they needed to talk about. But Eddie was feeling a bit stretched thin already, had said more than he’d thought he would. He hadn’t expected Shannon to come up. He hadn’t expected to think about it, share some of it with Buck. Of course, he’d told Buck bits and pieces of it all before, but not… like that.</p><p>They talked about other things though, and slowly Eddie felt the stressed, on edge feeling relax. Or, well. Relax into something else.</p><p>It’d been a long time, since Eddie had felt that rush of a new relationship. The excitement and thrill, the urge to touch and soak up being touched.</p><p>And hell if Buck didn’t like to <em>touch</em>.</p><p>If Eddie had thought Buck had been touchy before Eddie’s parents had shown up, it had nothing on Buck now. He must have been holding back before, easing Eddie into it in some way, but now….</p><p>Now it was what felt like a thousand casual, little touches, each one sparking across Eddie’s skin and making him feel almost buzzing with energy.</p><p>That energy only dialed higher when Eddie realized how much Buck practically leaned into or melted into any touch Eddie gave him. A hand to his shoulder as Eddie walked behind him on the way to the sink had Buck relaxing and pressing back against it. Squeezing his hand had Buck going soft and smiling. Bumping knees had Buck flushing a bit, grinning and pressing his knee back firmly.</p><p>It made Eddie just want to keep touching, to test and catalog every reaction Buck had. To see just what he could do by simply touching Buck.</p><p>They were on the couch, watching and arguing over a disaster movie, when Marisol and Chris arrived.</p><p>Marisol smirked behind Chris, waggling her brows. Eddie glared at her while Chris and Buck hugged, Chris talking a mile a minute.</p><p>“Nice night?” she asked, with a very purposefully innocent tone.</p><p>Eddie cast a glance to make sure Chris was distracted before flipping her off. She just laughed.</p><p>Buck stood up, Chris heading down the hall towards his room with his bag. Eddie shifted back, just watching as Buck and Marisol talked, casual and at ease and –</p><p>Marisol had only met Shannon once. She’d been a teenager, and so largely uninterested in getting to know her cousin’s wife, but she had been more polite and friendly than some of the family had been. She was also one of the few that had refrained from speaking badly of Shannon, at least around Eddie, for the most part.</p><p>It was why Eddie liked hanging out with her and talking to her, now that he and Chris lived in the same area as she did. They’d gotten closer, and it had been – nice.</p><p>At the same time, watching how much she clearly got along with and liked Buck… Eddie couldn’t help but think of his sisters, and wonder.</p><p>He walked Marisol to the door, thanking her again for watching Chris and rolling his eyes when she teased him more about his date night with Buck.</p><p>Back inside, he almost ran into Buck as he turned towards the living room.</p><p>“Whoa sor-“</p><p>“Are we gonna tell Chris now? What do we say?”</p><p>Eddie stepped back a bit, staring in confusion and a bit of concern. Buck was a bit wide eyed, his hair in a little disarray, and as Eddie watched he reached back to drag his fingers through his hair.</p><p>It hit him suddenly.</p><p>Buck was <em>nervous</em>.</p><p>“Do you want to wait to tell him?” he asked slowly.</p><p>“No.” Buck’s eyes were even wider. “But I – I don’t want to mess it up. It’s <em>Chris</em>, Eddie. I wanna do this right, I – I don’t know what to do. Or say. We didn’t talk about it yet! What if he <em>is</em> upset, and-“</p><p>Eddie snorted, shaking his head and smiling, helpless and fond. “Buck. He’s not going to be upset.” Probably thrilled and already thinking it would mean more Buck time for him.</p><p>“But what if he thinks I’m replacing his mom. What if – what if he doesn’t want me - me to….”</p><p>He frowned. Buck was… genuinely worried, almost anxious with it. Eddie cast a glance down the hall, but Chris wasn’t heading their way yet, so Eddie grabbed Buck’s hand and led him over to the couch. He sat down, bringing Buck next to him.</p><p>“We’ll talk to him. Explain. I – Buck, I really don’t think Chris will be upset. If he is, we’ll try to talk with him and work it out, and it might take some getting used to, but… he loves you just as much as you do him. You know that, right?”</p><p>Buck just swallowed, looking up at the ceiling and avoiding Eddie’s gaze.</p><p>“Hey,” he said, almost a little sharp. He sat up straighter, resisting the urge to grab at Buck’s chin and make him look at Eddie. “I wouldn’t lie to you about this. It’s going to be okay. And you don’t have to know how to do this or what to say; I barely know. But I think waiting to tell him is only going to be annoying for both of us, and he’s smart enough he might catch us at it anyway. We’re telling him together. Got your back, right?”</p><p>“Right.” Buck took a deep breath and finally looked at him, smiling a bit wryly. “Sorry.”</p><p>Eddie shook his head. “It’s fine.” He just wished he knew what had suddenly made Buck so <em>worried</em>, when he hadn’t seemed to be just that morning.</p><p>Maybe reality had suddenly slammed Buck in the face, too. That they really were doing this, planning to date and tell Chris and let some family know.</p><p>Maybe it scared Buck a bit, too.</p><p>“Dad?”</p><p>He glanced up, smiling reassuringly at Chris and gesturing him over. Buck’s eyes were still a little too wide for normal, and he looked tensed up and almost afraid with how uncertain he was.</p><p>It kind of reminded Eddie of the first time he’d brought Chris over for Buck to watch, after the tsunami had happened. How Buck had been completely taken aback, hesitant.</p><p>“Just the man we wanted to see,” Eddie said cheerfully, shifting over to let Chris settle between them. He couldn’t help but smile at how Chris immediately picked up one of Buck’s hands, patting it in a reassuring gesture. It made Buck smile at him, even if it was a thin and not entirely convincing thing. “Buck and I wanted to talk to you about something.”</p><p>“About what?” Chris asked, not sounding particularly interested. “Is Buck okay?” he pressed, looking at them both with a frown.</p><p>“Fine,” Buck said, voice a little strangled sounding. He cleared his throat. “I’m fine, Chris, really.”</p><p>Chris looked suspiciously unconvinced. “You promise?”</p><p>“Yeah, I promise.”</p><p>“He’s alright Chris,” Eddie confirmed. Just nervous, he didn’t say. “Chris,” he repeated, drawing Chris attention from analyzing Buck’s face like he could see a lie written there. He stalled out a bit, floundered in his mind for something to say. “You know I loved your mom, right?”</p><p>Chris nodded. His head tilted a little.</p><p>“Okay. And no one can replace your mom.”</p><p>“Uh huh.”</p><p>“But… I – I uh.” He looked at Buck, the words sticking in his throat.</p><p>“You know how much I care about you and your dad, right Chris?” Buck said, picking the conversation up for him, eyes shifting down to meet Chris’ gaze.</p><p>“Yep.” Chris nodded, smiling. “You’re family.”</p><p>Buck smiled, a bit helplessly Eddie thought. “Yeah. Your dad and I are thinking – I mean, we want to uh… try being family in a new way?” He glanced up at Eddie, a worried twist to his face. “That is – I mean – “</p><p>“Buck and I are – dating.”</p><p>Chris frowned a little, glancing between them. Eddie’s heart was in his throat, because even though he’d been certain of what he’d told Buck earlier, suddenly with Chris between them and silent it felt much more worrying.</p><p>“You weren’t dating before?”</p><p>“No?” Eddie frowned right back at his son, just as confused. “We just had a date last night. Our first one.”</p><p>“Your dad’s pretty good at it, set the bar high,” Buck added teasingly – though Eddie thought he could still make out the slight pinch between his brows.</p><p>Chris looked between them both, frowning more. “That was the first one?”</p><p>“…Yes,” Buck said slowly. He glanced at Eddie, who gave him a helplessly clueless expression back.</p><p>“But. But I thought you were already boyfriends.”</p><p>Eddie was, admittedly, taken aback. “You – why?”</p><p>“You got me that book from the library about different families,” Chris said, looking up at Eddie and smiling brightly for a moment. “It had a kid with one daddy, like me, but also there was two daddies in it too and you wanted to talk about how it was okay to like girls or boys or both or no one.”</p><p>While Eddie was trying to entirely wrap his head around how him trying to make sure Chris never had to struggle with how he felt like Eddie had been doing at the time had made Chris think Eddie was dating Buck, somehow, Chris added, “Also, sometimes you two kiss each other’s cheeks. <em>And</em> bisabuela said you two were oblivious lovebirds.”</p><p>Eddie tried to fight back the laugh and grin at that, feeling slightly hysterical. “Do you know what oblivious means?” he asked.</p><p>Chris shrugged. “She said it meant you didn’t realize how much you loved each other, but I told her you had to know because you guys sometimes sleep in the same bed.”</p><p>Buck’s eyes went wide, and Eddie almost choked on air.</p><p>“We – what?”</p><p>“I saw you once, a while ago, and then when we stayed at Buck’s home.” Chris shrugged. He kicked his feet against the couch. “So you <em>are</em> boyfriends now, right?”</p><p>“Uh…” Eddie glanced up at Buck. Buck just stared back, looking as lost as Eddie felt.</p><p>“Yeah,” Buck said after a moment, looking back down at Chris. “You’re okay about it?”</p><p>“Uh huh.” Chris tilted his head back, grinning. “Does that mean you’re gonna be over lots and lots more now, Buck? Will you make more pancakes? And cupcakes! I liked the frosting we made last time, it was very yummy.”</p><p>“I… maybe.” Buck grinned, and if it seemed a little forced, Eddie chalked that up to shock. Fuck knew that he was feeling plenty of it himself.</p><p>“Okay.” Chris leaned back against Buck’s side, staring at the TV. “What were you watching?”</p><p>“It wasn’t that good,” Eddie said. Which wasn’t wrong, precisely, but also it had a lot of swearing and some stuff that he wasn’t sure he wanted Chris seeing yet – he was only nine, after all. He grabbed the remote and handed it to Chris. “Why don’t you pick something for us all to watch, since you gave up Movie Night yesterday?”</p><p>He grinned, already heading to one of the streaming sites. “Does that mean I get popcorn for lunch?”</p><p>“Sandwiches for lunch, and popcorn after,” Eddie said.</p><p>Chris made a scrunched up face, but sighed an agreement very dramatically. Eddie gave Buck a look when he hid a laugh with a cough, getting up and muttering about making the food.</p><p>Eddie watched him go – realized he was staring and dragged his eyes away before remembering that, oh yeah, he <em>could</em> look now.</p><p>Buck was already in the kitchen, though, so Eddie focused on his son. Chris was pulling up an animated movie that Eddie was vaguely sure he’d watched before with his sisters, when he was younger, though fuck if he could remember precisely what happened.</p><p>“You’re really okay with me and Buck dating?” he asked, quieter. “You don’t have any questions or – you’re not upset?”</p><p>“Why would I be upset?” Chris rolled his head around on the back of the couch to look at Eddie, frowning a little. “I like Bucky, and he makes you smile a lot and laugh and be happy instead of sad. And you make Buck happy too.”</p><p>“Sometimes, when a parent starts to date someone new, kids are… upset,” Eddie explained carefully.</p><p>“Oh.” Chris frowned a little more, then shrugged. “But I’m not.”</p><p>“And – no questions?”</p><p>“Buck already said maybe when I asked,” Chris said, like Eddie was being silly for forgetting that.</p><p>“I – I meant, you don’t have any questions about – uh, me dating a man.”</p><p>“You said it was <em>okay</em>,” Chris told him. He was really frowning now, almost upset. “You said it was okay and not to feel like I was bad if I liked boys or girls or anything like that.”</p><p>“It <em>is</em>-“</p><p>“Is that why Abuela and Abuelo were being mean to you all the time? Cause you like Buck and you liked Mom?”</p><p>Eddie’s mouth snapped shut. He – he had no idea what to say. How to address that. Fuck. He’d known Chris had noticed things, he <em>had</em>, and that they’d needed to talk about it, but he hadn’t – fuck.</p><p>“Chris….” He swallowed. “It’s more complicated than that. And I promise, we’ll talk about it soon. Tomorrow, you and me, okay?”</p><p>Chris watched him for a moment, looking oddly confrontational – and something about the expression, the stubbornness, the set of his mouth, the turn of his head… it reminded Eddie almost painfully of Shannon.</p><p>His throat was tight.</p><p>“Okay,” Chris said after what felt like several painfully long seconds. He shifted on the couch, until he was leaning against Eddie’s side and could squeeze him in a hug. “I love you, Dad.”</p><p>Eddie grabbed him up tight, kissing the top of his head and closing his eyes. “I love you too, Chris, so much.”</p><p>They were settled against the couch after their hug for only a little while before Buck came in with sandwiches. Eddie was willing to bet Buck had been waiting for them to finish before he came in, but when he raised a brow Buck just gave him a smile and confused tilt of his head. Eddie narrowed his eyes – he wasn’t sure he bought the innocence – but decided to drop it.</p><p>“Oh hey, Road to El Dorado – I love this one.” Buck took a large bite of his sandwich, chewed and swallowed quickly. “I always thought they were totally in love, but everyone always insisted they were just friends.” Buck glanced at Chris and winked. “You’ll have to tell me what you think, okay?”</p><p>“Okay!” Chris beamed before pressing hard at the play button to start the movie.</p><p>Buck leaned back against the couch, stretching his arm out. After a minute, Eddie leaned back as well, slowly. Buck’s hand brushed the back of his neck, teasing, before he shifted a bit and could reach Eddie’s shoulder. It settled there, folding Chris between them, warming and distracting Eddie in a way that he hadn’t felt in so long, that was so <em>nice</em> to feel again.</p><p>He didn’t pay much attention to the movie, and he couldn’t stop smiling almost the entire time.</p><p> </p><p>Buck met them at Eddie’s house before dinner, so they could all go over together.</p><p>Eddie was – a bit on edge. He’d talked to Chris, finally, about his parents’ visit and what Chris had seen or heard or noticed. It was more than Eddie would have hoped. Chris had overheard one of their arguments, heard that they thought Eddie was a bad dad. Apparently, Chris was more upset about that than almost anything else, with the way he went on about how it wasn’t ‘nice’ or even true.</p><p>They’d talked, and Eddie had to make himself force the words past the tightness in his throat as he talked about how he hadn’t always been the best dad (Chris hadn’t looked like he believed that), how Helena and Ramon loved Chris very much and only wanted him to be okay (Chris hadn’t seemed to care much), and how yes, they didn’t like that Eddie liked Buck the same way he had liked Shannon.</p><p>“Is that why you got me those books? So I would know it wasn’t bad?”</p><p>Eddie had swallowed. “Partly, yes.”</p><p>Chris had nodded, and then wrapped Eddie in one of his tighter hugs, mumbling that Eddie was a great dad and he loved him.</p><p>So, Eddie was already feeling a little edgy from having to talk about all of that earlier, and he knew Buck had said he was going to talk to Maddie and tell her that day, and now they were over for family dinner, the first one since the disaster when his parents visited, since Eddie had asked for help with the first date for Buck.</p><p>They’d know. Maybe they had suspected or thought it before, but it was different now. Different because it was real, and true, and….</p><p>He was nervous.</p><p>He almost jumped in his seat when Buck reached out across the center console, curling his hand around one of Eddie’s during a stop at a light. Eddie glanced over at him, and Buck just smiled, particularly soft. His thumb rubbed back and forth against Eddie’s hand, such a gentle motion that he was almost painfully aware of.</p><p>Buck let go when the light changed.</p><p>Chris rushed ahead of them when they finally got to Abuela’s, clearly eager. Buck linger back with Eddie, strides slow. Eddie kept casting him quick looks, then ones to the house.</p><p>“It’s gonna be fine,” Buck murmured as they neared the stairs. “You know Abuela won’t let anyone over if they’re gonna bother you.”</p><p>“Yeah.” He cleared his throat. Taking a deep breath, Eddie reached out and grabbed Buck’s hand up in his, squeezing tight – for himself, or for Buck… he wasn’t sure. Both, maybe.</p><p>To make a point to himself, or to whoever was inside waiting.</p><p>Even with his almost surety that Abuela wasn’t going to be upset nor let anyone else start something, Eddie’s heart was racing. He felt a churning kind of dread behind his sternum, like something bad was looming just out of sight.</p><p>Vic answered the door to Chris’ persistent knocking.</p><p>“Hey.” He grinned, high fiving Chris before stepping back to let them all in. “Missed you guys the other week.” He squeezed Eddie’s shoulder, then gave Buck a nod in greeting. “See the game the other night?”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah,” Buck laughed. “Rub it in why don’t you? It was just a lucky shot.”</p><p>“Lucky shot my ass, it was good goaltending.”</p><p>Eddie wasn’t entirely sure what they were talking about, but let it wash over him while he followed behind Chris further into the house.</p><p>Marisol was in the living room with Yareli – no baby in sight – while Pepa and Abuela were in the kitchen. Abuela had Samuel in her arms, bouncing him slightly while she argued with Pepa about something, probably the food.</p><p>“Bisabuela, Tia!” Chris headed straight for them, throwing his arms around one then the other. Pepa patted the top of his head, smiling fondly, while Abuela leaned down a bit to kiss the top of his head.</p><p>Eddie almost shifted under their scrutiny.</p><p>“Good, you’ve stopped hiding,” Pepa said, making Eddie flush and stutter a bit.</p><p>Abuela tsked. “Leave him be, Pepa,” she said mildly. “Edmundo needed his space, he has a right to it. Besides, you seemed to enjoy having Buck to yourself last week.”</p><p>“Yes. I had many stories to share,” she added, clearly for Eddie’s horrified benefit.</p><p>He glanced at Buck. “What stories?”</p><p>Buck just smiled a bit, shrugged, and stepped away to see what Pepa was working on. Abuela came straight over to Eddie, though she didn’t say anything at first. She stood next to him, both of them watching as Buck lifted Chris up to see what Pepa was doing better while he focused on whatever Pepa was telling him, quiet enough Eddie couldn’t make it out easily.</p><p>“We are not your parents,” Abuela said finally, voice low. “You have family who loves you just the way you are, Edmundo. Don’t forget that.”</p><p>“I know.” He swallowed. “I do.”</p><p>“Hm.” Abuela eyed him. “Maybe.” She bounced Samuel a bit, smiling down at him before passing him over to Eddie. “Play with your cousin, I have to make sure Pepa’s teaching Buck the <em>right</em> way.”</p><p>Pepa scoffed, loudly.</p><p>Eddie watched them for a bit, before focusing on the little baby in his arms. Samuel blinked up at him, face just a bit twisted like he was considering crying. Eddie shifted his grip, settling Samuel more comfortably, and smiled as his expression smoothed out. He took the finger Eddie offered, little grip baby-tight.</p><p>He headed for the living room, settling against the wall near Yareli. She cast him and Samuel a quick, assessing glance, before focusing back on her conversation with Marisol.</p><p>Vic came over, offering him a beer. Eddie shifted Samuel again, took the beer with a murmured thanks, and took a pull. He set it down on a nearby end table.</p><p>“How’ve you been? Really?”</p><p>Eddie sighed, leaning his head back against the wall a little and staring sightlessly ahead. He only wondered a bit if the girls were listening in because they probably were or would be.</p><p>“Better.” He grimaced. “Was… rough, for a bit.”</p><p>“Figured, when Buck showed up and you didn’t the other week.”</p><p>Eddie made a face. “I’d only just gotten back into my house that day. Chris and I were… pretty drained.”</p><p>“I can only imagine.” Vic drank from his beer, before saying even quieter, “Anything Mari and I can do to help, you only have to ask.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Eddie sighed slowly. “I know. Thanks.”</p><p>“Hey, it’s just what you do for family, and especially for <em>good</em> family.” He saluted Eddie with his beer before walking back over towards Marisol, sitting on the arm of the couch next to her. She set a hand on his thigh, the gesture absent but to Eddie it was… such a wonderfully telling kind of gesture.</p><p>It was the kind of thing that had fallen out of habit, for him and Shannon. Whether that had been the separation for so long with him overseas as much as he had been or the deterioration of their relationship or some combination of that and more, he wasn’t sure.</p><p>He thought of Buck. Every touch seemed so big and important, and Eddie was always <em>thinking</em> about it. About how he touched Buck and Buck touched him and who could and would see and what they might be thinking. How much of that was because this was so <em>new</em>, even as it felt familiar? How much of that was whatever shit was still all twisted up in his head, sharp and easily unseen?</p><p>He… wanted it. Wanted what Marisol and Vic had, the ease and comfort of familiarity, of…</p><p>Of security. Of assured acceptance.</p><p>Would it always feel like a daring gamble to touch Buck in a way that was more romantic than platonic?</p><p>“Thinking deep thoughts?”</p><p>He blinked, focusing on Buck. Buck wasn’t look at him, at least not when Eddie saw him; he was cooing down at the baby, face almost sappy.</p><p>“Twisting myself in knots, maybe,” Eddie admitted, feeling a bit wry. Buck glanced up at him, brows just barely raising, a quiet kind of question. Eddie smiled, glancing down at Samuel. “I’m fine. Just… thinking things I can’t figure out answers to yet.”</p><p>“Okay,” Buck said after a moment. “If you ever want to… you know I’d listen, right?”</p><p>He was so fucking sweetly earnest. Eddie couldn’t stop the smile, even aware as he was that it had to be so fond and affectionate it was embarrassing. “Yeah. Maybe later.”</p><p>“Alright.” Buck leaned down to blow a gentle raspberry on Samuel’s cheek, only laughing when an errant baby fist hit his nose.</p><p>“What are you doing, teaching him boxing already?” he joked at Yareli, scrunching and rubbing at his nose a bit.</p><p>“You big baby. Get your boyfriend to kiss it better.”</p><p>Eddie almost choked on air. His ears burned hot, and he was very aware of Marisol smirking gleefully at him so it was probably obvious. Yareli was already ignoring them both (or pretending to?). Buck shrugged and turned to Eddie with an exaggerated pout.</p><p>“In my medical opinion, I think you’ll survive,” Eddie managed to say, sounding mostly unaffected and dry and not at all like he was flustered.</p><p>“You Diazes are all so mean to me.”</p><p>“Oh?” Abuela said from behind Buck, across the room. “Is that so?”</p><p>Buck turned a big, bright and charming smile on her. “Well aside from you, Abuela. And Chris of course.”</p><p>She chuckled. “Oh, of course. Yes.” She gestured for them all. “Dinner is ready, come eat now.”</p><p>It was… all normal. Nothing felt different, no one really acted like anything was different. Aside from Yareli’s boyfriend remark, it didn’t even really get pointed out. No one said anything when Buck brushed a hand over Eddie’s shoulders on his way over to the fridge to get him and Vic another beer. No one blinked twice at Buck taking Eddie’s hand quietly in his after they all ate, when Chris was practically tripping Abuela while she readied some dessert.</p><p>No one acted like it was anything new or different or strange.</p><p>It was… a weirdly huge relief even as it was a bit of a letdown.</p><p>What had felt so world changing and huge to Eddie was… seen as nothing grand or momentous. He both loved that, loved that they treated him like <em>normal</em>, even as he felt almost irritable about it.</p><p>Prickly, like one of those sticky but sharp weeds.</p><p>It remained under Eddie’s skin, a kind of buzzing, while they finished up dessert and said their goodbyes after a while and headed back to Eddie’s home. Chris headed towards the bathroom to get ready for bed, already seemingly sleepy. Buck puttered around the kitchen putting away leftovers.</p><p>They put Chris to bed, forgoing the reading of a chapter of his new book because he was already half asleep. Eddie followed Buck down the hall and out to the front porch. They stood there, close and leaning on the railing carefully.</p><p>“You alright?”</p><p>Eddie hummed, listening to the faint sound of traffic, the chirping of some crickets somewhere nearby. “Kinda.”</p><p>“What’s up? Was – did I do something at dinner that you weren’t… comfortable with?”</p><p>Eddie frowned, turning to lean his side against the railing, to see Buck better. “No. Buck, no.” He shook his head. “I – I just…. It’s gonna sound fucking dumb.”</p><p>“I doubt that.” Buck shifted so he was facing Eddie too, head tilted downwards a bit, leaned close.</p><p>Eddie snorted, that prickly feeling itching strong again. “Really. It’s stupid.” Buck just waited, silent, so eventually Eddie sighed out sharp and loud. “No one cared. That we’re dating.”</p><p>Buck got that little frown on his face, the thoughtful one that meant he was paying close attention. “Why did that bother you?”</p><p>“I told you it was dumb.”</p><p>Buck grabbed his hand, thumb rubbing the back of it, stopping Eddie from moving away. “I didn’t say that. I just wanted to know why it upset you?”</p><p>“I – I don’t know.” Eddie ran his free hand through his hair, agitation growing. “It – it was like they didn’t care – that it didn’t matter. Like it was – nothing.” He stared at Buck’s hand holding his, frowning. “It was nothing to them, that we’re together now.”</p><p>“Hey,” Buck said softly. “It’s not nothing. If it was nothing, they wouldn’t have been trying so hard to act like it wasn’t a big deal. They just wanted you to feel accepted, Eddie. To show that this isn’t a big deal not because they don’t care, but because it doesn’t matter to them who you love, just that you’re happy.”</p><p>He sighed shortly, glancing up at Buck, who gave him a big, amused smile.</p><p>“Besides, I think they were just playing nice tonight. They wanted to make sure <em>you</em> were okay, before they get all nosy about things. Pretty sure Abuela gave them all a lecture before we arrived – she did last week.”</p><p>“What?” Eddie asked after taking a moment to try (and fail) to process that.</p><p>Buck shrugged, but his grin was growing. Clearly, he was more than simply amused – he thought whatever had happened was hilarious. “Vic told me about it when everyone realized you weren’t actually gonna show up. Said Abuela had told them if they had any problems with you, they knew where the door was, that anyone who said anything insensitive was going to be reminded that she was old but not harmless, and that if you got upset and left again so help her she would make sure they all regretted it. I was sorry I missed it, but he said there was a part about me in there too.”</p><p>“Oh, and how did that go?”</p><p>“Vic wouldn’t tell me.” Buck rolled his eyes. “Maybe he’ll tell you, or Marisol will. You’d have to try asking.”</p><p>Oh, Eddie intended to, if only to satisfy his own curiosity at that point.</p><p>It all warmed him up inside, though, likely what Buck had intended. And he could see what Buck meant – that their pretending it wasn’t a big deal was in an effort to make him feel like he was accepted. Hell, part of him was relieved about that.</p><p>Just… “It doesn’t feel like that. To me.” He glanced out over his yard. “It’s been… hard, figuring this all out. And it almost makes me feel like… like it shouldn’t have been, like it wasn’t as big a deal as I made it out to be. At the same time, I’m real fucking glad they didn’t act any different, or get weird, about it.”</p><p>“Yeah. When I told Maddie I was bi, back in, fuck what was it – middle school? …I was kinda scared. But she just, like, nodded, and kept talking about stuff like I’d, I don’t know, told her I wanted ice cream for dessert. Like it wasn’t notable. And it was a relief cause at least she wasn’t, you know, telling me how wrong it was and that I couldn’t know what I was talking about, or that it was just a phrase, or some shit like that. But also, it felt like maybe she was just going to <em>ignore</em> it, like if she didn’t acknowledge it it wasn’t real.</p><p>“But, then she-“ Buck cut off, chuckling, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “She showed up with like, a bunch of articles or whatever, I don’t know. She’d done research, and she wanted to talk to me about it, and she <em>listened</em>. She gave me advice when I was going on a group date to a pool party with a guy. It was… so fucking nice. But she never <em>treated</em> me like I was different.</p><p>“And I mean, I was a kid. So it’s hella different from your situation.” Buck shrugged a bit, a small smile on his face. “I think that most people just aren’t sure what’s the best way to respond, and they don’t want to make you feel awkward. I think they’re just trying to make you comfortable, Eddie. You hate attention and fussing anyway.”</p><p>“True.” Eddie couldn’t help but grin a bit, tilting his head and shrugging. “Hey.” He tugged his hand from Buck’s grip to loop two fingers through a belt loop, drawing Buck closer. “Thanks for telling me, about you and Maddie.” Because Buck <em>didn’t</em> talk about his past, not ever in that much detail. Eddie didn’t know why, though he had a few theories. He did know to treasure it for the gift it was, though, the sign of comfort and trust.</p><p>Buck shrugged, looking a bit bashful, cheeks faintly pink. “I just – wanted to let you know I get it, you know? Maybe it’s not exactly the same, but-“</p><p>“Yeah,” Eddie agreed softly. “I know. I mean it, Buck, thanks. For listening. For making me feel like less of an idiot,” he added, a bit joking.</p><p>Buck just shook his head, smiling. “You’re hardly an idiot. At least not about that. Anything in the kitchen, though, I mean….”</p><p>“Oh fuck you, Buckley,” Eddie scoffed, grinning.</p><p>“Mm, would like that, would you?”</p><p>It took Eddie’s brain a moment, to catch up and process, and then his ears went fire-hot and he was sure it was already spread to his cheeks. “Shut up.”</p><p>Buck just laughed, soft and gentle. He leaned in, kissing Eddie’s cheek right near his mouth. “There’s so much I could say in response to that, but I’ll stop teasing. For now.”</p><p>“That’d be a first,” Eddie muttered, turning his head just enough that their lips were nearly lined up, just a few breaths of space between them. “You’ve been teasing me for months at this point. Don’t think I haven’t figured it out.”</p><p>Buck leaned back a little more, his smile stretched a bit, eyes crinkling and bright with amusement. “I admit to absolutely nothing, and you can’t prove anything.”</p><p>Eddie scoffed, quiet, and rolled his eyes. “You’re such a fucking idiot.”</p><p>“You like it.”</p><p>“Fuck knows why.” Eddie shifted closer, closing the distance again, and stretched up just a bit to give Buck a kiss. It still felt so – new, and a little huge, but Buck’s mouth always felt so soft against his, teasing with gentle and then more firm pressure, little almost nips.</p><p>“Ah, that’s why,” Eddie breathed when they parted.</p><p>Buck threw his head back, laughing. “Asshole,” he said when he’d calmed down a bit, but he sounded so fond there was no way to feel even falsely insulted.</p><p>“You like it,” he teased, throwing it back at Buck.</p><p>“Yeah, well.” Buck didn’t finish the sentence, just smiled at Eddie for a few moments. He leaned in, giving him a last, less lingering and lasting kiss. “I’m gonna head home. I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Eddie didn’t let go of his grip on Buck’s pants. “Come over Tuesday? After you get some rest.”</p><p>A grin spread, slow and wide, over Buck’s face. “Alright. It’s a date.”</p><p>Eddie felt like he was flushing again. “I mean. It’ll just be hanging out with me and Chris once he gets home. So not really like, a date or anything.”</p><p>“You say that like I wouldn’t <em>absolutely</em> be delighted to spend any time with my two favorite Diaz boys. It’s not like I need to be wined and dined for it to count as a date, Eddie.” He kissed him again, a brief peck. “Though if you want to argue it’s my turn to treat you, since you did Friday’s date, I’ll agree to that argument.”</p><p>“I – um.”</p><p>Buck’s grin took on an almost devious kind of feeling. “Okay, yeah, let’s do that. It’s my turn to plan the date and treat you. I’ll let you know when I’ve got details figured out.”</p><p>“You don’t-“</p><p>“Nope!” Buck pulled back, and Eddie was feeling weirdly flustered enough to let him slip away. Buck headed down the steps, then turned to walk backwards and grin at Eddie delightedly as he headed for his jeep. “My turn on the date planning. But I’ll still see you and Chris on Tuesday, don’t worry.”</p><p>Eddie watched as Buck waved, before turning to unlock and slip inside his jeep; he waved before he drove away.</p><p>He went back inside to get ready for bed.</p><p>In the bathroom, he had to pause and stare at his reflection in the mirror – giddy stupid grin and all.</p><p>He felt almost like some school kid with date plans with his first crush, a weird kind of excitement and thrumming energy, the inability to stop grinning or thinking about his crush, the way his mind was already trying to think about what Buck might plan, what they might do, what might happen.</p><p>It was… nice.</p><p>Eddie shook his head, still smiling widely, and finished getting ready for bed.</p><p>He felt oddly <em>light</em>. He knew it went beyond his new relationship with Buck. It was the unconditional love of his son and the easy way Chris loved. It was the unwavering support of members of his family here, from Abuela to his cousins.</p><p>It was the way that Eddie, for once, no longer felt like the other shoe was going to drop at any moment.</p><p>It was everything he'd never let himself admit he'd needed, barely admitted to himself he had wanted, handed over - not easily, because none of the last several months had really been easy. But... worth it. Every moment of confusion and struggle and frustration, all the fear and stress? It was worth it, for what he had now.</p><p>Happiness. For the first time in too long, Eddie felt <em>happy</em> and <em>excited</em>.</p><p>He felt <em>good</em>.</p><p>He wasn't going to let any of it slip through his fingers so easily again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Next one will not be until sometime after Eddie Diaz Week. </p><p>But hey, you'll be getting a series of fics out of me for that, so that's good right? lol</p></blockquote></div></div>
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